As a worship leader, I'm not always comfortable on stage. I've struggled with this my whole life. Unlike my extroverted husband, I don't like being the life of the party, the one everyone's looking at. I dread the thought of people analyzing whether my skirt matches my tights as I lead them in the worship of our Savior.
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To be fair, I'm sure most people aren't judging my hosiery. I fabricate most of these perceptions. And awhile ago I realized I've got more important concerns during a service, so I prayed that God would take my insecurities that I might focus on the fierce power of worshiping Christ as his church.
I know God has gifted and equipped me for this ministry, but that doesn't always mean it comes easily--or naturally. I make many clumsy mistakes as I grow into these gifts that, like ill-fitting attire, often feel cumbersome and awkward on my frame.
I used to long for a behind-the-scenes ministry, to serve where nobody but God would notice. In my purest moments I wanted to be rewarded by God alone, like Jesus talks about in Matthew 6. Surely this would make my life easier, my ministry "holier," I believed.
Sure, it's healthy for me to serve in other ways that don't involve me being on stage. But had I mistakenly created a hierarchy for gifts? Did I believe that behind-the-scenes service was somehow better than what God had made me for?
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